Saturday, March 28, 2009
nipples wednesday...
...and i'm starting to get really nervous...i don't know why...i've been through so much that people keep saying that this is nothing...um well yeah, comparatively i guess...but this is something...it's surgery...again...more...more manipulation...more cutting...more sewing...more drugs...more of everything...it's just a lot...i want this all to be over...i know that i can do this though...i know how strong i am...i learned that through this...but it still sucks!!! i don't regret my decision, but it sure is a lot...you just don't know it all going in...no matter how much they tell you, or in my case don't (no real mention of the drains and such)...it's just impossible to be prepared...and every new thing feels so big and scary...what aren't they telling me this time...will they burn me again? will i wake up more disfigured than i already am? i mean i know i'll wake up this time, i'm not really worried about that this time...but what's it going to be like? they say back to work the next day...will it feel funny? will i be able to do everything i need to do? who knows...i guess i shouldn't get too worked up, i mean like everyone keeps saying, it's nothing compared to what i've been through...it just feels scary and tough and like something that i don't really want to do...even though i do want the nipples...i just don't want to have to go through this to get them...can't they just appear? yes, spontaneously appearing nipples...now that is something that i think i could handle...
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3 comments:
I SO understand this Dani. I have been thinking about mine and wondering if I can be bothered with all that crap again. You have spent some time reaching where you are today and you don't want to take a step backwards, take another risk with surgery. I know about the lack of preparation, they don't tell you how uncomfortable they are, how difficult it is to move, how hard it is. It is inner strength that gets you there. Just try and believe in yourself, in what you are doing. If it doesn't feel right, you can just stand up and walk out before they touch you. Remember you are in control Dani xx
thanks girl...that actually means a lot...and i want them, i do...i'm just scared...and it's like no one in my immediate support circle will listen to me...i'm actually really upset...i was not anticipating this...
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