...get this damn drain out tomorrow!!! i'm just above 20 ml this morning and all i have to be is below 30 to get it out!!! this is so exciting!!! i just have to maintain until tomorrow and whoopee!!! it's going to be wonderful!!!
...in other news, i think i need to go back to therapy...i haven't quite wrapped my head around what i've done...the word mastectomy still freaks me out and i don't associate it with myself or what has happened...that can't be a good thing...some sort of psychological splitting, which i know is not appropriate, nor how i want to continue down this path...i have to integrate what has happened and who i am or was, into who i now am...
...i'm not depressed, which i thought i might be...not depressed at all...proud, strong, happy...but not depressed...the nothing isn't here, it's not coming, it won't get me...but i am in some sort of state of denial i think...well maybe not denial, but something that doesn't allow me to really accept the weight of my decision...well maybe not the weight per se, but the magnitude? the good, the bad, the ugly? i'm not really sure...still wrapping my head around the whole thing...or trying to at least...probably why i need to go back to therapy...lol...
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miss you girl! So proud of how well you're doing! xo
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