...so i just found my hospital bracelet from my biopsy this summer...ew....
...i just never want that again...i am doing this so that i don't have to have biopsies anymore...so that i don't have to wait for that phone call...the one that tells you if you have cancer or not...i never want to wait for that phone call again...i was lucky...that time...
...i remember when my mom found out she had ovarian cancer...i was there for that...when she had breast cancer i was at bucknell...i mean i went home...but i was at bucknell...a sophomore...black pants, white button down, oversized sweater, pi beta phi....but the ovarian cancer....i remember walking into the kitchen...seeing her on the couch in the living room, in her white mom nighty...i walked in...she stood up...i looked at her and said, you have cancer don't you...she said yes...we hugged and cried...i remember that...
...i don't want my kids to have a memory, or memories, like that...i don't want anyone i know to have memories like that...not about me...not to hurt for me...i don't ever want those close to me to hurt for me...because as i found out in the last few weeks from a very close friend...when you hurt i hurt...it's not fake...it's real...and i don't want that for you...not for any of you...not because of me...
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