...tuesday and wednesday were good days...yesterday was a difficult day but not a sad day...today is a bit more of a sad day...down a bit...fridays are tougher because friday is the day...one more friday left before the zingger...fridays remind me how close we are...the realness of it all...
...sometimes, and i've never said this to anyone, i fantasize about pulling out...just saying fuck it and taking my chances...i mean how about if i get cancer anyway? all of this for nothing? i mean seriously...what if i get cancer anyway? it will surely kill me...
...so i'm doing this...and i know i've opted for life...to kick my breast cancer chance's ass...but i do sometimes think about what it would be like not to do this...i think that would be worse...every mammogram, every mri, every ultrasound...waiting for the phone calls...that would be worse...
...so it's tough on fridays...the realness of it all...the count down...another week gone by...two to go...next friday pre-op visit...the friday after that...the big show...it's all happening...
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