thanksgiving thoughts....

...so yesterday was weird...i didn't really know how to write about it yesterday...i wasn't ready or something...needed time to process i think...but i've thought a bit about it...and it was weird...people looking at me with heads tilted to the side, corners of their mouths down...i mean i don't HAVE cancer...i'm just trying to avoid it (insert statement about being scared shitless that i'm still going to get it despite these preventative measures)...i'm not dying...i'm fighting to live...

...everyone wants to do something concrete...bless them...cook me something, buy me something, take me somewhere...bless them....but i'm not hungry (though the loving phrase of eat meat for boob meat comes readily to mind), i don't need anything (maybe front buttoning nighties), and i surely don't want to go anywhere (i'm a bit of a homebody)...the only thing that anyone can do for me is what you're doing for me right now...read my blog...try to understand me, so that when we speak it makes things easier for me...knowing that there are people out there sharing my thoughts, reactions, and feelings means so much to me...and that's what i need...to share my story...to be heard...

...i have a long history of not feeling heard...and that's what i need now...to feel heard...to feel understood...because when you're understood you're not alone...