...i go to see the plastic surgeon in the morning...she's going to evaluate further the amount of "donor tissue" ...aka belly fat....that i have in relation to the size and shape of my breasts as they are now...we are going to decide based on this information how i will look post-op wise, what she can do for me cosmetically, and where the incisions will be...my breast surgeon said that it's the plastic surgeon who makes the initial decision about the incisions, and then if from a cancer perspective the lines are appropriate, she will be the one who actually makes the cuts...
the one who actually makes the cuts...wow...it's just so real...it's all happening...i can't really wrap my head around all of this...i can't believe what i'm facing...i can't believe that i chose this...i can't believe that in 18 days i will go to sleep and wake up early the next morning, on my way to Lakenau where this will all take place...christopher offered to stay with me the night before...bless him...i think about the night before, the morning of...getting dressed in my surgery gown, being wheeled away from my mother and my family...knowing that my family will have to sit for 12 hours in a cold waiting room while they operate on me...wondering how i am...while i sleep...i'm excited for the dreams i will have...i hope to remember them, but i know that i won't...i hope i am with my mommom in my surgery dreams...she will protect me i think....i hope...
i'm trying to focus on the good...the excitement of destroying my chances of getting breast cancer by 90%....the strength...the support...the love that i feel from those around me...i said to my mom the other day that what i am going to remember most about this time in my life is the amazing amount of love that surrounds me...the incredible people that i've collected in my 30 years and the amazement at the way they have risen to my side...that's what i will remember...not the fear...hopefully not the fear...fuck the fear....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Dani, I know you're scared. If I could I would wisk you off this path that you've chosen to travel and take you to a place where cancer doesn't exist. Know that you are not traveling alone. You have your rock, your mom. The one who WILL be there when you wake up. You have yourself. I've seen you in action and I know that you possess your own amazing strengths. Your family and friends love you and will be there for you every step of your journey.
Together, with everyone's love and support, you are going to be well. What a story you'll have to tell your grandchildren!!
I love you.
Love, Aunt Irene
My Darling Dani,
We will celebrate your release from this fear and you will be free. The road is very hard now and the price for life is very high. But your life has value beyond all bounds. You are my hero.
Mom
Your friends are with you in spirit, even if not in a physical sense, speaking for those of us here in Los Angeles. I know this is just terrifying, and I'm so sorry you have to go through it - and so grateful the technology and medical expertise exists to help you. XOX, Gretchen
Your friends are with you in spirit, even if not in a physical sense, speaking for those of us here in Los Angeles. I know this is just terrifying, and I'm so sorry you have to go through it - and so grateful the technology and medical expertise exists to help you. XOX, Gretchen
sweet, sweet dani-
what lies ahead of you is scary beyond anyone's wildest imagination. you are a beautiful, brilliant and strong woman, and all of us who know and love you (myself included)support you in this difficult decision- and will be there to help get you through and with you to celebrate when it is all behind you. my heart is with you always dani girl, and i love you beyond measure. you will come through this with shining colors-of that i am sure!
all my love-
xoxoxoox
aunt jude
Post a Comment