my body...

...is not my own...

...i feel so detached from this new creation...where's my belly? i think i can still feel it...but it's surly not still there...where are my breasts? i can see them...but i feel flat-chested...like i drop off from my shoulders...something of a ski jump...

...i haven't looked in the mirror yet...well i've caught fleeting glimpses, but i haven't really looked...i'm not ready...it doesn't feel like me...my head feels the same, and my legs feel the same, and my arms kinda feel the same...but my middle...my entire torso...it's not mine...it's some wu creation...from what i hear it's beautiful...but i can't see that yet...i can't feel that yet...

...even when i look down in the shower...scar running from one side to the other...literally the entire front half of my body was sliced open...i thought it would go hip bone to hip bone...but no no, it's the whole front side of my body...gnarly scar...i see the drains coming out from below the scar line...i imagine once they're out i'll have something of a sad face looking up at me...drain holes for eyes and scar for frown...but i'm not sad...i'm happy...though this is such a weird physical place to be in, it's far far better than the terrible psychological place i was in before...this place is way better...foreign body and all...

...one part that i love is my belly button...they had to craft me a new one, and it's so cute!!! i love it :)