Wednesday, December 3, 2008

tough day number one zillion...

...this minute to minute thing is killing me...one minute happy...next minute sad...next minute weak...next minute self-deprecating...next minute happy...i feel like i'm on an out of control roller coaster...i want to cry all the time...i'm becoming psychosomatic and fast...i want to sleep all of the time...the nothing is knocking...

...i feel like i am at the bottom of a pit...looking up at light i can't reach...the rope of strength that you have all offered me...just out of my grasp right now...this minute is difficult...this minute is sad...this minute is lonely...

...i do have hope that the next minutes of my life will be easier...maybe after a nap...maybe after a phone call from an unexpected friend...maybe after a phone call from an expected friend...maybe after all of this is over...how many minutes in nine days? can i make it? i know i'll make it...time won't stop for me...not for any of us...i wish it would sometimes...what was that show? something about swinging from a star? where she would put her fingers together and time would stop? out of this world? i don't remember but i wish i had her power...or an invisible jet like wonder woman's to take me away from these feelings...to get me out of my own head for a minute or five...can an invisible jet do that? i think so...i hope so...someone send me an invisible jet...and a lasso while you're at it...i'll lasso up all the warmth, positivity, and hope in this life of mine and i will fuel my invisible jet with it and fly far far away from these minutes i am struggling to withstand right now....

...nap time...i pray for peace...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

faith over fear! that light is already within you, and you are surrounded by so much love! xo