Sunday, December 7, 2008

a turning point...

...the tides have turned...i am ready to fight...i have found my bootstraps...wait did marc find them for me? maybe....either way...i have them...and i am going to pull myself up...i am going to take off my sunglasses, put on my boxing gloves, and i am going to fight the fight of my life...

...up until now i have been knocked down many times...and i've gotten up each one...maybe not of my own volition...maybe not using only my own two feet...but i've always gotten up...i will get up from this too...i will get up and i will be even stronger...as much as i hate that saying...i will be stronger...something like the ironman of life i would think...ironwoman? iron-something-or-other...platinum? titanium? something that is unbreakable...i will be unbreakable...i am unbreakable...

...i beat the nothing...i will beat the scoop and fill...i can beat whatever you put in front of me...i am a bulldozer right now...get out of my way...i no longer need to be lead...i now need to be followed...walk in my wake as i forge ahead...but please stay behind me because i may falter...

...if i falter i will forgive myself...i will let you carry me for the moment and then i will get back up and forge forward (visions of a mosh pit come to mind)...i can do this...i will do this...i have to do this...for me...for my mom...for my family...for my friends...for sue...for life...

3 comments:

petal said...

Hey D, it's okay to have down days, anxious days, calm days, strong days, worried days, carefree days, indestructible days....

they all have a place, as long as you are able to have some (and I mean some not total) control over your emotions... But there were, and probably will be days again when the emotions, inc. the negative ones, get overwhelming again. Then try to take a deep breath and once again find your center, your balance, your peaceful spot and be kind to yourself in the process. You do not have to be run ragged by your fears, nor do you have to be superwoman. But feeling strong is surly better than being scared shitless and I’m glad for it for you... but you know, you will be okay, even if you are not superduperwoman :-) and we are rooting for you either way!

More Than My Genes said...

This is where you need to be Dani. Stay here for as long as possible. You have found it somewhere in you to be strong and positive today which means YOU CAN do it. You just need to have a positive mental attitude. If you think too much about the small things they grow, like feeding a seed. Feed the strong not the negative.

Bless you...you can do this and you will make it through. Just think about being free.

Warrior Three said...

thank you jonsey!!! i will be free!!!